Is He Looking?

So I'm walking with confidence (hips swaying whilst trying to stop my bum from wobbling), laughing attractively (loud enough to catch his attention, but not so that my mouth looks like the Clyde Tunnel) and tossing my hair with what I imagine is poise, grace and femininity. And does he notice? Does he hell.

I think I've already mentioned that texting my POF boy kind of fizzled out - the success of my blog is probably quite intimidating for some guys, I've got to remember that in future. Oh, and I have a further revelation; I've deleted my dating profile. I know, I know...just when I was so close to finding a husband as well (!). The thing is when you've got the same guy adding you on Facebook, adding you on Twitter, poking you on Facebook and then on top of all this you're getting strange phone calls late at night, I for one am quite happy to say goodbye to Internet dating before I have to say hello to a restraining order. I had visions of waking up in a predicament similar to the one experienced by Vince Vaughn's character in Wedding Crashers; tied to my bed with a stranger insisting we'd "had a moment" online and asking if I'd like to play tummy sticks.

So I've had to revert back to reality to find a man, and this has led me to think about the things that girls do to get a guy's attention - hence my opening paragraph. That was an example of my own technique - it' obviously fool proof going by the amount of boys I'm attracting at the moment - and I'm of the opinion that every girl has their own unique way of reeling in the fellas! After doing a bit of research (asking my best mates) it is obvious that the more a girl likes a guy, the more devious these tactics become. For example, if the apple of your eye is going to be on the same night out as you, there is the classic "I've seen him in my peripheral vision but I'm just going to ignore him so he definitely doesn't think I'm interested" - pure genius. Then there's the old "I'll go over and say hello to all his friends in full view of him so he feels compelled to come over and mark his territory" - inspired. And my favourite of all is turning up at a club wearing an "I LOVE [insert name here]" sandwich-board whilst a brass band marches behind me belting out 'I Love You Baby'. OK I made the last one up, but apart from it being a little full on, it would probably turn out to be the most successful technique. From what I know of my guy mates, lads just like to know where they stand - a lot of these 'cunning tactics' wash right over their heads, and I genuinely think they would be terrified if they knew just how much planning can go into even the most casual of social encounters.

It is so much fun though isn't it? You'll be sitting in your jogger bottoms, tub of ice-cream in one hand, spoon in the other, Marley & Me on the TV...and suddenly you receive word that your one true love will be out this evening. Normally this word is in the form of text message, but whether it's phone, email or carrier pigeon, you get your butt in the shower pronto, get gorgeous and proceed to practice a few casually beautiful faces in the mirror. Then it's off to wherever he may be so you can talk to his pals, walk about in front of him 'looking sexy' and blatantly ignore him for most of the evening. You will then go home that evening alone (in my case probably crying) and ponder with your girlfriends as to why the object of your affections did not work out that the reason you were blanking him is because you wanted his babies. Men really are bastards.